The Background

    In order to write about being a father in 2013, I suppose I should give some background, that way when you question my authority or authenticity I can pointlessly direct you here. My wife and I met and were married within seven months, and I am completely serious when I say that after two plus years I still don't know how I got so lucky.
When we got married,  my wife understood two things: I loved her and would provide for her for the rest of my life, and I didn't want children. Ever. This was a hitch in her life plan because she has wanted children since she set eyes on her first baby doll at three years old. Being the undaunted and wily woman that my wife is, she introduced me to her niece and nephew, and I immediately understood (but certainly didn't immediately admit) that I wanted kids. These young people at three years old were more mature than most of my college graduating class! They were respectful, well-mannered children who didn't talk back and understood that actions lead to consequences.
I still didn't fully admit, especially to myself, that I wanted to have a child of my own, but these two were pretty cool. Try as she might, my wife just couldn't get me to change my stubborn mind about children.

"I think I'm pregnant."
 "Come again?"

    This sums up our initial conversation regarding our first pregnancy, unfortunately. We picked up a pregnancy test on our way to my in-laws' house for a family dinner and shortly after barricading ourselves in the guest bathroom, we emerged with terrific news. The greatest part was that it was great news to me as well. I cannot describe what happened looking at my wife in that pink-tiled, awkwardly-layed-out family bathroom; something just clicked down into place like the final turn of a safe dial and I knew that this was all I wanted. Of course the family exploded with joy and excitement. Sadly, we lost our first child ten weeks after we conceived. The joy of realizing we were having a child was matched and then exceeded by the sorrow of knowing I'd never meet my first child. I tell this portion of our story because without our first child's conception, I don't know how long it would have taken my wife to convince me to try to have a child. Probably years.  We mourned for a time and after we had conquered our fears of having the same tragedy strike us again (after all there are many families who go through this horrible ordeal multiple times and never meet their children) we started trying again. We didn't have to wait too long, and on Christmas morning of 2012 we announced to our family that we were having a baby. Cut to joyful exclamation and tears all around. This was the first moment that I realized that this was real. I had never really been hit by the"This is Really Happening" Mac truck before that Christmas. In reality, I still don't feel like I've been hit by that particular vehicular behemoth, but it certainly has grazed me several times along the way. What did this mean for my wife and I? Would this transform me into a working stiff who was always too tired to hang out with the kids after work? How much money was this going to cost? Do we need insurance? Do I need a better job? I had never needed a cigarette as much as I needed one on Christmas morning opening presents with the (extensive set of) in-laws.
    Something else crept into my mind as well. Along with all the fear and doubt and worry came a sure, definite sense that my life was now completely moored to another life. I always thought that that would feel like a trap or a prison, but it was the greatest freedom I had ever felt. I now had the honor and privilege of forming and creating a new life; a whole person had been entrusted to me to care for. The enormity of that settled down inside me, and it has kept all the negativity so far from my mind that I hardly think about it anymore.
     Throughout the next eight and a half months my wife and I got to know the little boy who was growing before our eyes in her tummy every day. The details are for another day, but I will say that those months were the closest that my wife and I had ever been to each other up to that point, and they helped to galvanize our marriage into a more steady partnership. I thought a lot about what kind of father I would be; would I be patient and gentle, or would I be firm and instructive, or some other combination of adjectives? Then my wife and I really started looking into the details on parenting a baby; would we co-sleep with our son? Are pacifiers evil or a god-send? What the hell is scheduling? There were many questions and, I am happy to report, the answers come along with getting to know your child. After waiting for our son for what seemed like years, little G came into the world peacefully and healthily and made my life brighter than it has ever been.
    So why am I writing this blog? Do I think that after a few months of being a dad I am qualified to educate or instruct other parents on "how it is?" Absolutely not. Full disclosure: I am writing this blog at the behest of my wife. She seems to think that there is a tragic lack of support and information for fathers who want to be really involved in their childrens' upbringing. So this is my testament to being a father in the year 2013.